David Malins: The Asperger's Syndrome Pioneer

Blog (Anecdotal)

'Falling With Style" vs Neurotypical Deathwishes!

Posted on March 25, 2018 at 8:35 AM

You know, many mock, taunt and abuse me for my anxiety and caution and wish of routine, and almost call it a 'step backwards'. However, I've learnt to trust it. Once I went with a group of 4 of my fellow autistic peers to the Cardiff International Pool - and after much careful consideration and calculation, I decided to try going down a waterslide for the first time in my life. I didn't go for the 'safe' option, nor for the not-so-scary-but-still-scaryish slide - no, I decided to go down the most scariest in my mind. What went through my head was not only how, but going through the type of experiences I'd be feeling along the way and what I'd ultimately need to do - even taking into account the fact that usually I'd not be able to close my nose when falling into the whirlpool right at the end, so I even calculated when I'd need to hold onto my nose before I was plunged in, and when to breath out, then when to start breathing again - then how to grab onto the stick held out by the lifeguard, All very carefully timed and planned - using my experience and planning to overcome a great fear. I really did enjoy the experience and the exhilaration (though it didn't show externally due to needing to catch my breath - to the point where the lifeguard on duty basically kept talking at me without considering anything I tried to say to her about just having overcome something that was technically a novel situation that in the end I handled expertly - she was more worried about me going to do it again as if I needed my hand held, when after an experience like that, all I wanted to do was rest abit to get my breathing back. NT's and masking people always over-react to us no matter what we do or how we do it. I swear, the lifeguard with no experience of the Autism Continuum was the one who made me feel awful - not the event that I experienced with careful planning and mental preparation. Without that, I wouldn't of even gone outside to the pool with 4 of my peers, let alone considered going down a damn waterslide. Oh and did I say that in predictable circumstances, I actually LOVE to seek sensory stimuli! in my own time, I can do great things - rush me though, and I can collapse even more than most - so why do you have to force me to change NTs and Maskers?? WHY! >:( I can tell you one thing I am certain of - Dying because you couldn't be BOTHERED to PLAN for the unknown, rather than taking things steadily and carefully - to ENJOY the experiences, is TOO MUCH OF A PRICE TO PAY - SO GET OFF MY CASE JACK! >:(


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