David Malins: The Asperger's Syndrome Pioneer

Blog (Anecdotal)

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Eve of a historic event towards Neurodiversity

Posted on March 14, 2012 at 7:30 PM Comments comments (0)

At any other time in my life, I would of felt calm about giving a speech. Hundreds of people? Big deal.... Social events? as long as someone helps to introduce me to others, then it isn't usually a problem to "network".

But tomorrow is different: This speech is probably one of the most important I will have done in my life so far - I'm terrified at the prospect of not "hitting the right notes" and getting the message plain, clear, concise, whilst also leaving people with no doubt as to my will and the will of the Aspie Community in the launch of the Adult Autism Advice Service (or A.A.A. / "Triple A" for short).

I've seen what happens if the wrong note is struck or people don't question the future of such provisions - literally at the mercy of politicians and a greedy few - destined just to be another trophy in a cabinet with no real significance or impact...I have only just received information confirming that this event is in process of going the same way - so I have to stay alert and just see what they pitch at me: but with truth and the love of God with me, I believe I can do this - I have to do this, else no-one will listen.

My job tomorrow is going to be tough - but not impossible.

In the 1st Book of Samuel Chapter 17, David faced off the taunting of the Gath giant Goliath who served the Philistine Army - and yet despite enormus odds, no armour, few weapons and a building fear of the oncoming duel, David struck him down bravely and without hesistation just from a single weakness that he spotted in Goliath that revealed the truth and sent the Philistines running.

After this, I can relax, I can rest and I can be safe in the knowledge that my words will make it impossible for the greedy and corrupt few to hide the truth from people any longer.

My battle call? Simply "listening properly" and "neurodiversity"..... I pray all goes well and I hope my speech will appear here as an mp3 that you can share with everyone you know so that you can reveal the truth to them and can be strengthened to be who you want to be - Peace be with you all

History seems to be repeating itself...(Again)

Posted on February 26, 2012 at 6:20 PM Comments comments (2)

It seems completely bizarre to me now how I ended up where I am now to just 5 years ago. From Herefordshire to Cardiff...How did that happen?

Whilst I still consider myself Herefordian, I recognise that apart from a select few people (who will be glad to know I consider them as friends) that I no longer condone or trust those who hold the purstrings in the county, economically, socially, politically or within the more generic named "Autism Community", who seem to think that their view is the only one that should be had in Herefordshire (Mainly parents with old, unworkable ideas that still cannot accept that times have changed and that many adults on the spectrum can speak for themselves).

I believe when I first stated the "Aspie Link" project around 2008, as a safe club for other Aspies to meet (even with the first name of "missing link" first agreed upon that we had to replace because of discriminatory remarks that they didn't want to be associated with "that monkey" - but social ettiquet and PC language is only one thing...) - I honestly think that even parent-led groups that despised the progress that we were attempting, were actually secretly in admiration of my statement of determination and may even now be awaiting a call, text or e-mail from me to off-load much-needed advice as to how to tackle the problems of service provision and neurodiversity policy in Herefordshire and other rural or remote areas like islands for example.

However, after realising that the general public of Herefordshire wasn't ready to comprehend the change of attitude (and probably won't be for quite a while longer) from Practitioner/Politician to Parent/Service-user dictated services, not to mention knowing who my real friends (and unfortunately real enemies) were, I decided that Wales would be my home in the meantime, my "playground" as it were to see what could be done and to set a precedence that even now, even without my name appearing in the headlines, I've been influencing great leaps and changes that are phenomenal and fantastic acheivements that are undeniable that STILL acknowledge me as a real Asperger's Pioneer - and for the forseeable future, this will only continue and expand.

However, in Wales, I have noticed like everywhere else the same determination by a few people to ruin the opportunities that I wish to provide - with etiquet being placed once again above practical solutions, talks, etc. - Naturally, as someone outside the area, I'm used to a hint of "you don't know what's happening" - but all that can change within 5 years of being in an area and watching things happening with fresh-eyes.

These once again are the same secluded people who dog every last part of industry, spinning the same "It'll never happen in a million years" or "it'll never catch on" rhetoric, as if they are the future - WRONG. They have kept things stagnant: From "new" radio stations sounding the same and TV channels looking the same as each other on every part of the dial, from headlines that claim that Asperger's Syndrome "is a disease and must be cured", that to do a job (or to become self-employed more ridiculously) "you need to get a degree", etc.. There is so much that is wrong with these statements that if allowed to remain, will almost certainly and have destroyed any chance of change for the better.

This has created almost in every field, particularly practitioners an "expert tunnel-vision" that is almost a part of the spectrum in its own right - it cannot see outside it's own procedures and specialisms - so a coping strategy to assist in debate needs to be found: which ironically was provided an answer for by the Aspie Community long ago (particularly by Aspies For Freedom and the Autistic Rights Movement in the UK: A policy known as "No Decisions Without Our Participation").

In fact, I myself have relied for quite a while on a network or committee of people (particularly friends) that assist in my logic and thinking, to ensure that I get as balanced a view on a subject, so that I can decide on actions, secure in the knowledge that I've taken most points raised from different Points Of View to make the best and most correct decision without being distracted or focused on my own interests (including in my micronation project, the DCU)

I will be reitterating this to many people tomorrow (particuarly those who I've noticed have tended to dodge or forget that I'm out there, watching, listening and feeding back to important decision makers and those who have more time to debate what they need to deliver with the resources available)

Remember, Neurodiversity isn't just a "good idea" - in fact, it's just common-sense - particularly in debates. If you don't have all the information at your disposal to address an issue, then you can't hope to solve it or "win" the debate!

And whilst I'm working wonders in South Wales, Herefordshire ultimately knows it will have to change and address many other problems if it is to succeed and stop many bad things - including the large drain of young people from the county who have better chance in other areas of the UK than in Herefordshire currently.

Anyway, never fear, as I'm even now currently on the case - those who have stood by me and been true to their word have nothing to fear and all to be proud of in their efforts with me to turn the tide - not just for the Aspie Community BUT EVERYONE IN HEREFORDSHIRE. In the meanwhile, we'll let history go-on repeating itself, for that way the current "regime" will pass and the next generation will take control to ensure that true liberty will never perish :)


Dulce Et Decorum Est - The same old lie and history repeating itself

Posted on July 3, 2011 at 1:31 PM Comments comments (0)

Just like the Crusaders, Just like the WWI soldiers, Just like every other confict - We were told "it is right and just to fight and die for your country" the same old lie that we must not believe anymore. It has happened again, but this time, we really do need to wake up and stop ourselves from agreeing to anymore of this pointless death and destruction.....

 

The trigger - 9/11 and the thousands killed that day (whoever was responsible)

 

The supposed action - Bringing to justice (i.e. arrest) of Osama Bin Laden and the terrorist organisation Al Queda for the 9/11 attacks (supposedly to stand for War Crimes)

 

The response - Carnage and war that has lasted 10 years - Gone into lands and civilisations that are not even related to the incident and "attempts" that were never taken to capture Bin Laden, With US troops STILL in the middle east, despite Barrak "Osama" Obama's "cast iron" promise...

 

The "victory" (10 years later) - Osama Bin Laden killed - But also....: Millions of civilians (Men, Women and Children) killed & dieing daily from alledged "allied friendly fire", destruction of property into the trillions, theft of oil and gas and water installations from sovreign nations into "friendly trans-national corporations", Hundreads of thousands of professional soldiers from the US and UK dead due to lack of adequate equipment and protection, billions of pounds wiped out in defence spending and cutting of troops whilst insanely increasing our participation in other warzones......the list goes on....

 

The reality - UN Forces STILL occupying many parts of the middle east, "regime change", Tony Blair turns to Catholocism after leaving office and is "sorry" for having to have declared war, a new war in Libya in which our main aim (denied before) is to kill Ghaddaf (for the intent of taking THEIR oil AND water sources), the list goes on....

 

Is that everyone's thought of "victory"? Bloodlust? Just to kill Osama Bin Laden - One delusioned fanatic?? Is this is the only reason we sacrificed our soldier's lives, invaded several foreign lands illegally, killed thousands of squaddies from other nations, lied to our own citizens over our involvement in these ghastly immoral (dare say) crusade/jihad and even had the selfish fanaticism to dictate the rules of which the citizens of those nations live?!!? Whilst I will mourn the loss of our lads, I would gladly petition, protest, revolt and support any motion to imprison for life or hang all the traitors who commissioned this filthy series of events that dishonours my family's namesake and it's heritage for all that we gave to keep this land of ours free!

 

Shame on all who have sen this series of conflicts on this one "prize" as worthwhile, as they are selfish at best and at worst traitors to humanity, who want to get on with one another and live by each other's happiness and co-operation.

 

So really that is all it boils down to - sad, unfortunate, but true - One which everyone needs to look themselves in the mirror and ask themselves about very very carefully.

Remember that they will always tell the same old lie: "Dulce Et Decorum Est" - "It is just and right to die for your country"

 


Revelations: Welcome to 1984...(we need our own 1776 in the UK)

Posted on February 18, 2011 at 11:02 AM Comments comments (0)

Introduction

You just couldn't make it up - so much is going wrong today. Most people who have lived in the system of society and "representative government" have said "It must be coincidence, it surely isn't THAT bad".

Yet look at the evidence, look at the situation, look at what changes are actually happening, look at the things that are now being investigated despite the government saying its "open and shut", look at the attempts to repeal testimony through multiple uses of "state security defence", hear the rumours and news of conflict, of tyranny, of protests, of proposed legislation, of the content of the news on a daily basis, of the type of programmes now on television, of the types of "tax earnings, the banker's frenzied stealing of Trillons from countless millions worldwide..... The list goes on and on and on. We are seeing the rise of the corrupt because they believe they can get away with putting us all into corporate slavery or reducing our soiety to far less than that.

You couldn't make it up. Only Orwell and disaster movies could ever bring a story like this out and make you imagine you are there - yet many of the themes that have been seen in many of these films are coming about - Even revelations despite societie's dismissal of it has its words resonating into the subconsience, because, as Tracy Chapman sang in her song "Crossroads" - "Some say the devil be a mystical thing - I see the devil, He walk in man, He'll fool you like a cunjurer and a theif, He'll try to tell you what you want, try to tell you what you need"

I think with that said and with the information that has now been made plain to us, someone must say:


WELCOME TO 1984.....


To really appreciate what is happening, you have to look at the "barometers of society" to see if they are doing well:

- Baseline industries (I.e. Primary Production/Farming/Mining and Manufacturing)

- Vulnerable and disadvantaged people/groups and basic public services

- Constitutional or Sovreign Integrity

- Small and Medium Sized Enterprises (I.e. Entreprenerial Generation)

- Price of food

- Peacetime Integrity & Civil Liberties

- Government Accountability and Responsibility

- Value of the World Reserve Currency


If this was a few years ago, then maybe these "barometers" would have come into question, but now it is in plain sight that the vast majority if not all of these are not doing well at all (some of these even getting far worse than could even have been anticipated). However, Government Responsiblity, Vulnerable Groups & Public services, Civil liberties and Constitutional Integrity have also gone down at a rapid pace also, which are vital to tackle these problems head on.

Now, what do we take as the turning point? The answer is actually from several different angles:

- Rumours of war (I.e. Iran being called "provocative" sending two warships into Suez to secure supplies to its allies)

- Constitutional Userption (I.e. European Union acting as "New World Economic Government" and leaving Westminister unable to govern the United Kingdom - particularly when protecting the innocent from those proved guilty - Hence unless people stand up for it we have NO constitution and NO accountable government)

- Destruction of public services (I.e. NHS being run by private companies, Royal Mail privatised, Destruction of subsidised bus routes,)

- Violation of the vulnerable (I.e. The diabled now being told they are "not disabled enough" to access services and being forced to work unsuitable jobs without support and the potential to be branded as criminals for just existing - not to mention the elderly who's savings and pensions being wiped out are NOW expected to PAY INCREASES to their retirement care needs AND move out of their homes DESPITE anxiety and stress of losing all independence)

- Violation of the innocent (I.e. Infringing Body scanners in US security checkpoints, Abandonment of Hapus Corpus (Innocent until proven guilty) by EU Law and Arrest warrents, "shoot-to-kill"/"Anti-Terrorism" powers, survellence increases into private business of citizens, control of bank accounts, business red tape prosecution against SME's, "Taxation without representation", Strip Searches, Censorship of Points of View by Governments/TransNational Corporations.... The list on this goes on and on and on...)


Violation of the vulnerable and Innocent  are the two which now stick out the most, as these two groups - the vulnerable and the innocent are the ones that morally speaking should benefit the most from a society and constitutional government. Now these groups, despite all the evident problems are being ignored by the politicians THEY elected - no matter how many petitions, protests, discussions etc. there are, these don't seem to lead anywhere and they still say "that idea will never work in 100 years...".


We also have to look to see who are the "winners" in this and why:

- Career Politicians -They help their mates and create loopholes to allow them to stay in power and get paid for doing so saying it is "constitutionally right" and also saying that we've got to pay for the banks mistakes (Like the "unremoveable PM of the Irish Republic or the unelected Premier Gordon Brown, who said "they had a job to do"..... yeah, it was a bank raid jobbie wasn't it me ole' son...)

- Bankers -As you've probably realised by now, these people should have been hardest hit, but instead they are making profits from their mistakes,

- Administrators and Enforcement - They are pals of both the above, so they are given huge financial rewards as a result of assisting these crooks (some even believe that they are in the right for doing so)

- The village idiots and criminals - The village idiot is gettng rewarded for his time-wasting and believing that Government IS being responsible and mistakes whilst the criminals are getting far more than equal rights compared to victims and innocent people - In fact some are being hired BY the government to do their dirty deeds


Draw your own conclusions if you will, but quite frankly it's this very greed and change of ciricumstances that now conclusively for me and many others at least draws the conclusion that we are in 1984.


"But what can we do? It's too late!" - You can do something and no it isn't too late (There's no point in being that pessimistical, otherwise we'd get nothing done)

Firstly - Keep you and your families, friends, communities, groups and allies alert for what is going on - Read between the lines and see if anything impacts you and friends.

Secondly - DON'T PANIC! Panicking is what these criminals want you to do - They want you to be fearful of everyone around you so that you cannot resist their will which by the vast majority is huge compared to anything they can put against you. Think, discuss, plan and be practical with your suggestions to tackle this and getting "out of the system"

Thirdly - REMEMBER YOU ARE AN INDIVIDUAL - I cannot stress this enough. If you don't stand up and say you will not have your rights violated, then no-one will be waiting to represent you when you're the elitist's next target of attack. No government is sovreign over you - If they try and enforce their will on you and those around you without permission from the people and beyond the value of basic liberty, then THEY have violated your sovreignty.

Fourthly, Look after those around you - Go with your gut instict to assist in any way you can, as we all have the power as THE PEOPLE to stand against any adversity that comes our way - Let people know the truth - Assist those who have the truth who know what is going on but are being opressed - Invent new ways or be radical about old ways of communicating your message to the people.

Finally, as has been said time again, plan and prepare for the worst, but try and live for the best using EVERY POSSIBILE MEANS AT YOUR DISPOSAL. "I'm Spartacus!" - ALWAYS SAY NO - ALWAYS DENY THEIR AUTHORITY.


The answer to 1984 is the Magna Carta and 1776 - we need our own 1776 here in the UK.

There is no time like the pressent - so go to it and God Speed! :)

Not just problems with, but solutions to the tuition fees fiasco..

Posted on February 10, 2011 at 12:06 PM Comments comments (0)

Now having been in the education system and questioning it's systems for most of my life, I've gained an inside view on what is happening and why. The main one being the tuition fees and funding of education as we see it today.

It used to be only those in high class who could, then this was extended to those who could afford it and who had ambition (probably by private tuition), then during the industrial revolution, seeing the lower classes being made destitute back then (alot has changed since - NOT) John Barnardo set about making education for all groups in society compulsory (and later on with financial support, then writing off of any need of funding - but mainly primary and secondary education, with sixth forms also applicable later on)

Now that society has said that university should also be an important part of "growing up" (but not from my opinion) has alot of people wanting to go and learn something of interest.

However, we have something different going on here, whereby buisnesses are taking advantage (particularly when the student loans and grants reach students) and to make profit, they now get more for less experience, less content and more "routine courses" and cutting staff.

This means that the current debate is pointless on how much do people pay for a course, because the important questions have not yet been answered (and hence getting to a viable solution):


Firstly, where is the information on how much each resource costs? They do it for the Disabled support services (or at least in most uni's) where you have a list and the person and pounds per hour that the service is.

Why can't this be done for the other things, for example the course lecturers (There is an argument for a "regular payment" to the staff, but I will answer that in the second section), the services for practicals, fieldtrips, equipment, books, personal tuition, computer access, etc. - surely everyone needs to know as it is ongoing


Secondly, with so many students not even assigned a personal tutor with very little contact time on subject material which is regurgitated - there is no effective monitoring. If students paid according to what lessons they have arrived to, along with what equipment and services they used - this would be not only an effective way of working out and budgeting in a gradual way according to what you do, but it would be a way of monitoring the effectiveness of lecturers to put material forward of importance, style, assistance, etc. In the end, the lecturers who fail to do their job don't get paid and the students will have voted with their feet (which empowers also).


This is the only way that such a system can follow true capitalism and democracy at the same time - otherwise, we only have universities' trying to put their argument in PR to assess effectivemess (which by the way people have protested against uni's apparent "sucesses", this certainly isn't good enough)


Your thoughts :)


"New Diagnosis", Scaremongering and the forgotten diagnosis pathway

Posted on January 19, 2011 at 12:10 PM Comments comments (0)

One of the things which really does scare me is the fact that nowadays there is little to no debate on important or sensitive issues to find out the truth.

Each side now of an argument tries to "out-do" the other by libel cases, defirmation, cheating lies (which has reprecursing damage that I have mentioned in my last blog) and use of methods of PR and "image" to make their case look more realistice than it would be under the light of truth.

The general rule is that if you cannot work out who is saying the truth in a debate, then no matter what the PR is given on the outcome by either side, it must be ruled out completely and the debate started again afresh.

This "rebooting" of a debate is exactly what has happened in an ongoing and increasingly melodramatic tone.

Now I'm not saying that politics hasn't been "reactionary" or "melodramatic", but the length of time, the detatchment from reality and the absolute dogged arrogance of both parties have brought discourse to a debate which really should be more representative of the facts and the "putting under the spotlight" of the suppsed "evidence".

The argument of course is one of Aspergers in the Autism Spectrum and the MMR jab.

So far from what has been presented and debated - the arguments should have so far stopped at two conclusions so far:

1 - Aspergers and Autism diagnoses are being made interchangable by professionals because of the similar "triad of impairment"

2 - The MMR Vaccine could need a look at it's potential safety concerns.


However, despite the fact that there are questions to be answered within each and that the two arguments cannot be further disected into more decisive actions without more evidence and research, the two sides started to put interests before their arguments and started a war of theories against one another, forgetting that there are key areas that needed reference to.


The questions that could have been asked at this point are:

1 - Why are GPs getting confused between Aspergers and Autism Diagnoses?

2 - What is unsafe about the MMR?


Question 1 is very simple to answer:

"Classic Kenner Autism" has made reference to the same "Triad of impairment". Not only that, but the original research was made on a very select few children, who were not monitored into Adulthood and were stated to have far more underlying co-impairments as well as autism. (this was back in the 1970s)

Many people who have heard of the work done by Hans Asperger in the 1940s with many times more subjects have often used "triad of impairment" interchangably because of very basic similarities in certain environments.


From this further investigation reveals that "Classic Kenner Autism" is actually far more broad ranging because there hasn't been much research on it to start off with and hence why those who drew conclusions about it became more and more puzzled.


In fact by this point, the very papers and studies Hans Asperger made have just been overlooked - because in the writing and very simply stating that those he has made reference to are to his eyes "little professors" or geniouses in their own subject or interest areas - and what is more that with the right support for their "triad of impairment" these people can "fulfil their role in society far better than most others". Look even further at the situation at the time, it could be stipulated that in German occupied Austria without such a diagnosis many of these people would have been seen as "malfuncitioning" and killed - So in essence he had stipulated the most important "coping mechanism" for these people to co-exist with "society" in general by saying 'here are your geniouses/superhumans who can do the research that you need - but they do need support of x, y and z..."


With Asperger's having a defined focus and Autism having a non-defined focus, this ultimately led to the narrowing and marginalisation of AS and the ever-expanding of Autism into what is now defined as the "Autism Spectrum" - which by the non-continuation of the research into Asperger's and the determination into stopping an "autism epidemic" due to the vagueness of the Kenner's research being taken as "biblical truth" by many, this led to the ultimate argument "Actually Aspergers IS Autism", despite the two being completely different to start off and without much consideration as to why this was the case.


Hans Asperger this year if he was still alive would have been distraught by the way that people have just glanced over his research which was far more through, complete, conclusive and provable today, and instead have just taken as read that Kenner and he were saying the same thing when this couldn't be further from the truth.

The ultimate "nail in the coffin" is the fact that Internationally, Asperger's Syndrome will in a few months time no longer be considered a diagnostic label with symptoms, signs and strategy/approach to the condition.

Anyone now who fits Asperger's criteria perfectly and reacts perfectly to the approach to the condition he specified will still be labelled as just being "Autistic".

The result of this has already been seen in just the words made to the same intelligent people as myself: "you're too dumb to sit your GCSEs", "I don't know what you want from us", "Why are you acting this way?", "You're boring, you must be retarded..", "why are you so obsessed, it's only a hobby that's distracting you from the important things.." etc.

All this and more, and it's only set to get worse for Aspies in the near future - especially when it comes to interacting with society and acessing vital services, even exercising independent rights (Marriage, Have and look after your own children, Start a business, Get a house, Have a mortgage, Hold a driving licence, and many more examples)


But for the seemingly straight forward Question 2 onto the MMR, the argument has also been sensationalised and become bigger than the facts would allow and now threaten the lives of those within the Autism Spectrum and those individuals no matter what their ability being labeled "a disease".


Instead of debating the argument and proving the theories, both Governments, GP and everyone else went for broke in trying to make it seem as if their theory was "the one", of which then it didn't take long for people to start making a sensationalised link that Autism is not just linked, but also "directly caused" by the MMR jab.


Now, if it was "directly caused" by the MMR jab exclusively, how come Hans Asperger and Kenner had their theories about Autism and Aspergers BEFORE the start of the use of the MMR jab in the UK, as well as in many cases where they already displayed all the signs of autism BEFORE being given the jab at the appropriate age? (This is at least one thing that Dr Andrew Wakefield and his Anti-Aspie mother's movement will not even discuss - with many of these even "defreinding" Donna Williams from her facebook page because she "disliked" her comment on the case looking into Wakefield's studies (and being proven wrong) If this isn't the most pre-madonna kind of sulking for not getting one's way, then I don't know what is)

Blog Anecdote test - with some recent thoughts and insights

Posted on January 16, 2011 at 10:43 PM Comments comments (0)

Well here we go - to get this off my chest:

Whilst I have defied the "impossible", some people then take the thought that I can cope with anything.

Like any condition, as long as I know what it is, then I generally can use my brainpan to "make do" in the best way I can.

However, if I at best don't know what has happened, or at worst I'm told it is something completely different to what it is in a vain attempt of reassurance, then this contradicts with my ability to solve the problem I face and any apparent "progress" made is actually a side effect

This is just like playing the mastermind game, where you have to guess the pattern and order of the opponents 4 colour pins, because it is a case of long-hand trial and error, where you don't know the value of the individual elements of a sum or reaction. Same difference.

Traditionally, my ancestors had a military background from medieval times onwards even up to today - hence it is no surprise that I have felt most comfortable in making decisions about everyday actions with hard, accurate and visible information, rather than with suspision, theory or philosophy alone. No matter how I feel though, there is no excuse to substitute even slightly inaccurate information with complete fiction balanced in the favour of "what he'd like to hear" or "this will hurt his feelings less than if I told him what was really happening". But what is even worse than this is compounding the lies with the covering up of a situation because "oh, I didn't think it was relevant at the time".

 

History has shown how these simple "white lies" or "cover ups" on your own "side" can make the difference between a bad plan being able to have succeeded "with luck", compared against a good plan which has become a total disaster that was perceived to be "impossible to fail". That is why despite my neievity I have always had in my head a failsafe of contingencies and processes that I use as a reality check against such deceptions - even if the incident itself has passed, the fact that the incident happened gives me an indication of a cause or factor that allowed the incident to happen within the apparent "ideal situation".

 

What has not helped me recently is that I've had to put alot of contingencies into action and become like a full time investigator to get me back on the straight and narrow (This is before I return to my own "clear-cut" moral sense)

Obviously I don't expect to be right all the time and problems not to occur or lies to be told. However, when it comes to people working with me, I've had to do so much work because it seems that people are far too afraid to tell me the truth.

 

They use the excuse that "they don't want to see me upset" - yes THEY don't want to see me upset, but it's guilt not sympathy which is driving that - THEY don't even have the guts to say that they are hurting inside from what they have done - so it becomes a repetitive cycle of lies which then make it very difficult to tell the person from the fiction - and hence they cannot be called friends because they are not what you have observed.

This cycle of guilt has reached epidemic proportions recently to the point where not only am I thorougly confused, but these people become so impossible to the idea of forgiveness and reconcilliation because they cant tell their lies from reality and think the best way is to hide themselves away from the very people who want them to understand again.

 

There does come a point (with a couple of people having already reached this stage in my book) that these people try making up reasons to run away, hiding themselves away for no apparent reasons - for then on in there is no "winner" to this lying game to the point where all morals break down and they become selfish.

 

Anyway, the main point and particular people have this to reflect upon themselves, as this is the reality of some of the more sadistic of the lies that their selfish hearts have done to me:

 

Trying to pull the wool over my eyes has left me with anxiety that defies my ability to "jump back" from a problem and is a burden I could very much do without right now, as it has (no joke) brought me closer to death than even the most dangerous of activities I have ever done (The doctors were unanimous about it and one of my friends witnessed this wave of panic - including the seizing up of my motor co-ordination)

 

Quite frankly I'm not about to let you be the piece of straw that breaks my back no matter how much of a weakness you are to me - and whilst the truth always hurts, it also makes sense of a situation that if told by lies would be impossible for my slightly nieve mind to keep up with and allows for forgiveness and reconcilliation, like the loving care and attention is made to a broken vase that has been painstakingly put back together properly with all the break-joints clean, smooth and barely noticeable. Whilst with lies, false promises and deceit, it is like a vase which has been put back togeather incorrectly, with the wrong pieces, with the wrong glue, with the fixer thinking that they can make the vase look good by glueing it different from the original shape or design - however the flaws are noticeable and the foundations of the bonds which keep that vase from breaking are extremely weak to the point that any sight pressure on it will collapse the structure and will probably cause more damage in the long run than it would than the properly fixed vase.

It is better for an imperfect object to work well for what it can do rather than a perfect object be used for something that it wasn't designed for and get damaged in the process.

 

My case rests

 



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